Bitter Sweet Memories

Yesterday night, unusually, I was reminscing about few bitter memories surrounding my dad and maternal uncle that have stayed with me. And they refuse to leave me and go. They not only haunt me time-to-time but torment me mercilessly.


I have just 1 maternal uncle. But he has always liked my sister more than me. He has been very vocal about his choice when he used to tell to his friends and relatives “S is my favorite niece”. This could possibly be because of the fact that I have always been rebellious in my nature – especially when restricted. But then, everyone wants to be loved. I felt (feel ?) so sad to accept that he loved my sister more than I.

In particular, I remember the following incidents:

I studied in all girls school. During 9th standard, school had organized a day long trip to Belur and Halebidu. My entire class was going and even I wanted to go. When I sought permission, my uncle refused to let me go. I truly don’t understand why. When I started rebelling, he asked me to talk to my dad. And even my dad refused to let me go. What was worst – they were not giving me any logical reason for denying me permission. Again, I had to create a hungama to get permission and finally did manage to go on this trip. But at what cost?

I wanted to learn to ride a 2-wheeler. My dad never had anytime nor patience to teach his girls himself. My uncle offered to teach us. One early morning, he took both of us – my sister and I – to the near by ground. I had purchased a new Hero Puch. He said he will teach my sister first. Although, I was disappointed, I accepted to waited for my turn.

And that is what I did for the next 1.5 hours. They did not turn up at all. Tired of waiting and my feet aching all over, I walked back home in a huff. Upon reaching home, he made fun of this situation and promised (not so seriously) to teach me another day. That “another” day NEVER came. But I wanted to learn 2-wheeler. I started pestering my dad to teach me. My dad, if not anything, is an expert in delegating work.

Over the week end, a middle-aged uncle, one of my dad’s reportees came home. He said dad had entrusted him the task of teaching me to ride a 2-wheeler. Although, I was extremely disappointed with my dad, the thought of learning to ride brought cheer.

I took this uncle to the ground along with my new Hero Puch. He asked me to be seated in the driver seat and he sat pillion for ease of teaching. First half hour, he taught me how to balance the vehicle, nuances of riding etc. But very soon, I noticed that his hands started roving at all wrong places of my body. While I was riding the vehicle, he was carassing me all over…

I was so scared that I let go of the bike. We both fell off the bike. I told “Uncle” I wanted to go home. By the time we reached home, my dad had arrived. He asked how did it go. This “Uncle” said it was going on fine but I had asked to go home and he did not understand why.

My dad was furious. He scolded me for missing out on a good opportunity and said he will never engage anybody else to teach me. In many ways, I was happy that he never engaged anybody else to teach me. With whatever little knowledge I had picked up, I went on to learn this myself.

But then, the saddest part, to me, is the fact that my dad did not bother to think or understand the reason beneath my denial to learn from this uncle. Even after I voluntarily told him about this incident, his words left me shocked “I don’t think this uncle is that kind of a person. You are very much mistaken”. — this was the first incident that told me that my father did not trust me.

During college days, one of my classmates, R’s sister was getting married. And we all knew her quite well as we used to visit his place often. The reception was being held in Hotel Ajantha and several of our classmates wanted to go. As was my upbringing, I asked my dad for his permission. And you cannot imagine what his response was – “I will not allow you to go. I know that with the pretext of attending this classmates sister’s reception, you will loaf around cubbon park that falls on the way. You will spoil the name of my family” — second incident that told me he NEVER trusted me.

And, I stopped asking permission from him. From this day, I went on to do all the things I wanted to do ever.

I don’t regret the way I turned out to be. For, I am a much better person and a compassionate human being now. I have grown up and learnt a lot from these incidents. I learnt that if I were brave and did the right things, I did not have to be scared nor tell lies. People tell lies because they are scared, out of sheer fear factor.
I also started taking my own decisions, which made me very responsible. So, in many ways, I have to thank these incidents for the way I have turned out to be
But then, somewhere, it still hurts. I still feel so bitter about these incidents. I have neither been able to forget nor forgive.

Amma Ninna Tolinalli Kanda Naanu

As far as I can remember, my mother has always been there for me. She has always stood tall and strong and has supported me in all my endeavors and (mis)adventures. She has saved me from my dad’s beatings several times and has allowed me to be my own self doing my own things. She is the reason why I am so independent, successful, well educated person today.


She never hesitated to accept her Iyengar son-in-law, when I announced my decision to marry him. She never let me lose my courage when I lost job owing to recession and took to learning stained glass wanting to start my own business (which never took off, incidentally)

Though, when I look back, I see she was a wee bit partial to my brother, she has always been there for me. I could always look for that support, understanding and guidance in the years of experience and wisdom she has.

So, yesterday, when she called me to say that she had severe pain in the lower back and was unable to get up, I could not believe what I was hearing.

To me, she is still young. I have failed to realize as I have grown up, she has grown older. Her bones are not as strong as they used to be. Her shoulders have become frail carrying the luggage of all these years. My eyes grew moist. I took half day off from office to take her to the ortho.

Luckily it was just a muscle sprain and nothing else. But this incident was an eye opener. It felt as if I was close to losing her forever and the pain I went through was excruciating.

She knows that how much ever I have grown up, I am still a kid in her eyes. She still wants to protect and safeguard me against this cruel world….

I shudder to think what will happen when she is not with me anymore….

Innocent Musings

S P Balasubramanyam, the veteran playback singer who has sung in several languages, has released an album of prayers for the kids. It is titled “Chants for Children”.
I really liked the idea as this album contains simple shlokas with SPB as the lead singer and kids joining the chorus. This album has shlokas such as Agajanana padmarkam, gurur brahma gurur vishnu, namastestu mahamaye, shuklambaradharam, etc.
So happy was I to hear this album, I decided to download this from Nokia’s Music Store onto my cell phone. After successfully downloading few chants, I decided to play them during bed time – instead of the usual story time.
When the 2nd chant was playing, my son asked: - “Amma, are these children very poor?”
I answered (ears allover) “No, why”
Pat came the response “Then, why are they singing like this?”
Actually the chorus in these chants comes across very amateurish – more like street kids singing for money.
I could not help laughing at his observations.

How should I answer this?

I had picked up a copy of Junior Chandamama for my kids. In that, they have a cartoon series that introduces an animal or a bird to its readers. This introduction is setup as an introduction with the animal or bird by a small girl who asks questions like "Where do you live?, what kind of food do you eat? What other species do you have? etc. In this edition, they were introducing the Fox.
The small girl who was "interviewing" the animal was dressed like a jungle-bred girl - basically a green skirt drawn to give it a grass-like look. And had not worn anything on top.
My daughter, to whom, I was explaining the features of a fox, suddenly stopped me and asked "Amma, this akka has not worn anything on top. She is half-naked, Right?"

Its all in our mind

Several times I had heard that if you want something to happen, just think about it and believe in your thought – and Lo Behold ! it will come true.

I had not believed this enough. But over the week end, I truly experienced this -

1. I was searching for a particular company’s website that brings teachers (of sports, crafts, any hobby) to learners. I have used their service to learn stained glass and other things 8 years ago. And suddenly I wanted to learn something new, which was the reason I was thinking about them. I thought and thought and thought over the last 3 weeks – their name was lost to me.

But saturday, I talked about this to a friend and also had a positive thought in me when I affirmed that “you know what I am going to find their name soon”. True enough, on my drive back home, as I was searching over google for their name, suddenly, it came back to me. Anyone in Bangalore, who wants to acquire a hobby, please go ahead and check out this company’s website here.

2. Sunday morning, I had a feeling that although my day would go along wonderfully, my maid would be on leave.

And that is exactly what happened – my baby sitter was on leave and maid did not turn up. How did they come to know I was expecting them to take off? God knows…

My husband got breakfast from hotel, I cleaned the utensils and the house, cooked lunch. For the first time in several months, the 4 of us were able to have lunch together and it was good fun. It was truly nice to see my 2.5 years old daughter eat by herself. Thus, the day went on very well, despite smaller hurdles.

It was so amazing to see 2 examples back-2-back where things happened based on my thoughts… I have started consciously thinking positive thoughts so my thoughts can have positive impact on my day :D

"Funny Blog Oscars"

And the funny Blog Oscar goes to none other than Lostworld.

Time Turns

Title of a news paper article: Pink Slips in 2009 - Attritions in 2010

How true - last year saw several organizations slicing and dicing hikes, employees, benefits as economy nosedived. Need based hiring was the buzz word and the oxy-moron "Flat Growth" made headlines. But this year, as market is turning around, IT employees are all set to rule the roost. With several organizations hiring, companies are slowly but surely seeing an increase in attrition rates.