Has it ever happened to you that you desperately wished something turn out not to be like you are thinking?
For years, I feel I lived in a mirage. I lived in denial that it was not my fault and I was not responsible. But today, when I uncovered that it was me all the while - the truth hurt... like mad.
14 years, when I blame someone of wrecking their life only to realize it was me all the time - it is not supposed to make me feel good, is it? It appears that I did not even have to wait until next life to see this happen.
What did I achieve? I know it is not giving me any satisfaction knowing I screwed up someone's life, I stopped them from living the life they wanted and they could have.. if only I had not stopped them.
I was absolutely selfish, I now realize...it could not have gotten worse. And hell, there is no way I can turn back the clock now. where is this going?
I now realize that even desires can become curses when they are fulfilled at a wrong time. Can you ever forgive me? know that I am going to spend rest of my life with this guilt...and that is not going to be enough to cleanse my soul...what have I done?
For years, I feel I lived in a mirage. I lived in denial that it was not my fault and I was not responsible. But today, when I uncovered that it was me all the while - the truth hurt... like mad.
14 years, when I blame someone of wrecking their life only to realize it was me all the time - it is not supposed to make me feel good, is it? It appears that I did not even have to wait until next life to see this happen.
What did I achieve? I know it is not giving me any satisfaction knowing I screwed up someone's life, I stopped them from living the life they wanted and they could have.. if only I had not stopped them.
I was absolutely selfish, I now realize...it could not have gotten worse. And hell, there is no way I can turn back the clock now. where is this going?
I now realize that even desires can become curses when they are fulfilled at a wrong time. Can you ever forgive me? know that I am going to spend rest of my life with this guilt...and that is not going to be enough to cleanse my soul...what have I done?
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