Life comes a full circle

What goes out always comes back - I guess we have heard this umpteen times. I have had at least 3 examples that this actually happens:

1. A close friend of mine had fought with me because I had decided to marry my husband. He was not willing to accept that I should be marrying this person and we had had a bitter fight. With that he stopped talking to me completely. I accepted it and let him be. Though I had personally gone to his house to invite him for my wedding, though he was there in the house when I went, he chose not to talk to me. All the while, I did not understand that he was not talking to me because other common friends had dropped in at the same time. It took me several minutes to see that he was not talking to me, not even acknowledging my presence. Anyways, I gave him my wedding card and left - obviously, he chose not to attend. This happened in 2001

2. Way back in 1997, I had a very close friend during my masters days. And she had heard from someone that I was spreading wrong rumors that she was in relationship with another classmate of ours. This actually made her angry and not want to talk to me.  I explained to her that it was not I that was spreading the rumors but she chose not to listen to me

Fast Forward to 2 years ago

1) I receive a call from this person that I dont recognize. This person asks, "Vidya, will you be at home this saturday? I want to come over and give you my wedding invitation". I am like, "who is this?" And this person says, "someone you know, but I dont want to reveal now".

Eventually I found out that this person was that close friend who had fought with me over my decision to marry my husband. Immediately I called him and asked him not to come to my house and meet me. I told him very clearly that friends should accept you who you are and be there through thick and thin. He had chosen to desert me when I needed him and now, I had moved on. I did not want him in my life any more. So, this time, I chose to keep him away from my life for ever.

2) A year from that incident, this friend during my masters days came back and apologised to me. She said she had realized that it was not me who had spread those rumors. Though I was glad she uncovered the truth sadly, I had moved on. I had closed her out as she had no trust on her friend. She had chosen to trust someone else over her friend.

The third instance is more of self-guilt situation I guess. I had taken my son to the park. And habitually I had carried his water bottle with me. An old lady approached me and said that her grand daughter was very thirsty and asked if I could share some water with her. I said it was not possible and that my son had drunk from it and he was not well. I fumed as to why people never came prepared when they brought kids to parks. - Now, I wait for the day, when this will come back to me in some form :(

With these three incidents and many more - I am now a firm believer of this adage - what goes out always comes around !!!

Meaning of "Annu"

In Konkani or Amchigele, we call our father, "Anna or Annu". Today, as the priest was performing the 12th day ritual at my uncle's house, he explained how the word "Anna or Annu" was derived. Apparently, the word was derived from "Anna" or Rice meaning food earner or Anna (Rice) earner of the family.

As usual, we use or follow so many of rituals blindly and wont even know the meaning behind each of them... Glad I found out this one :)

Kids !!!

My father and his brothers and the extended family had gathered at my uncle's place to pray for my uncle's soul to rest in peace.

While the priests were performing the rituals and chanting the mantras, we all cousins used it as an opportunity to sit in the adjoining room to catch up.

We started talking about our kids and how it is impacting us and difference between how we were and how they are...

My sister complained that my niece seldom writes down the homework, even if she has noted the homework to-do, she leaves behind the respective book back in school. Just does not want to own up her school work and do it herself..

Not to be left behind, my cousin's wife mentioned that her daughter had lost the diary in which she had to note down her daily homework.

And we were discussing the laughs, rants, cries of our children. My aunt came in excitedly and said... hey do you know what Manya said? (Manya, is the latest entrant into my big, fun-loving, awesome family. She is all of 2 years old). We asked enthusiastically, "What?"

Aunt apparently asked Manya, "Manya dear, what do you call your father - annu (in my mother tongue, konkani) or Daddy?".

Pat came Manya's reply, "I call him Sunder" (is her dad's name)

All of us were ROFL

Inquisitiveness?

I dont know if I should say people are inquisitive about your life or are they just looking for "something like me or my life in yours" kind of an experience.

I know this girl who wanted to get married very badly. And she did. The last I heard was that she was having MIL issues and is now contemplating moving into a separate house with her spouse. People have so many advises to her - what cannot you adjust with your MIL? Why are you breaking a family? etc. Do we ever stop to think what this girl may be going through? Are we not concluding on a 1-sided story?

There is yet another one that eks out a living working at a Bank's BPO. She took her father's place once he died and has been supporting her family. She has decided to sacrifice her life to support her aged, ailing mother and un-married, studying brother and never get married. She is financially backward, no-doubt. But why do people think she does not have self-respect? They do not invite her for ceremonies within the family circle and other people who dont know about this expect her to attend these ceremonies. When she shares the cause with them, they just raise their hands and walk away...  Why even trigger such conversation in the first place and hurt her sentiments and then raise your hand and go away?

In any family, there are fights. And I have had and continue to have my share of them - with myself, spouse, kids, what not. There are times when I really get frustrated and recently posted couple of outbursts on a  much more public site - Facebook. Immediately, someone from my family read it and called someone else wanting to know if all was well between me and my husband... and i was like, "What the hell"... You may not post it on FB like I did...but does not mean you do not have your fairshare of such fights/arguments with whosoever in your life. Does this mean you have the right to conclude on someone else' life without talking/verifying with them? Why dont you just read it for what it is and move on? Like the post if you like it, leave a comment or just move on!!!

Aditi - isms

Aditi is my 4 year old daughter. I named her Aditi because per mythology, Aditi was sage kashyapa's wife who gave birth to all the devas. :)

One day, Aditi came to me and asked, "amma, what is Pai". I was thrilled that she was asking about "Pai" (Pai, being my maiden sur name and family name, I take real pride in!!!) I sat her down and said, "Like your appa is an Iyengar, my family is called Pai. Her next question stumped me. She asked, "Then, what is Jama". That was when I realized she had split the word "pyjama" into "py" and "jama"...LoL

*****-----****

Aditi, lets talk about the alphabets. A for Apple, B for Ball, C for Cat, D for?
Pat came the response, "Rabbit"

****-------*****

Appa: Aditi what do you call an Eagle in Tamil?
Aditi: Urla-Kalanga
Appa: Laughs out loud... ille di, Eagle is Kanaga; Urla-Kalanga is Potato and Eagle is not equal to Potato
Aditi: Blinks

*****--------****

Amma: By the time you guys grow up, I would have become old
Aditi: Then, how come I am not seeing any white hair on your head?

*****---------*****

Of Highs and Lows

Life has come a full circle for me this week. I have seen death, blood, and tears...

Through all these incidents, I learnt a lesson. Life gives us only so many opportunities to rectify our faundering ways and to make amends to those people we love so much. But that's to it. And if you do not use these opportunities, you will see time passing by and the person passing away - leaving behind you and the guilt of not making your loved one happy. Trust me, this can be one heck of a situation to be in.

As children, we make so many mistakes. Imagine a situation where you have made a terrible mistake and hurt your parents. What happens when your father or mother passes away? Here you are with the realization of the hurt you gave them... but no means of making up to them whatsoever.

I remember a time when I deliberately hurt my parents over small things like talking to boys (my father, in particular, is very orthodox and he hated that his daughter speaks to boys at college), going to movies with boys (even if that gang had a good number of girls and boys) or go for a cup of coffee with a "boy" friend). I did so deliberately for two reasons - one, I saw nothing wrong in having friends who are boys and did not want to hide from my parents that I do talk to boys because I think it is ok to do so... two, it was my way of rebeling against him for sending me off to stay at my granny's place for 2 years during my high school period.

But as I grew up, started understanding them better, I realized what a dud I was to rebel against them. They were only trying to protect me from this big, bad world... sigh!! Luckily, Life gave me a chance to make amends and reciprocate their feelings/thoughts by studying well and doing well in life. Today they are proud of their daughter...

However, we need to remember that we will never know when a loved one will be taken away from us. So, why do wait to make amends? Why don't we do it now?

Temples and wealth

At lunch today, 2 colleagues and I were talking about money and temples. The discussion started with today's news that India would be giving money to bail out Europe's economy. And the thought was anyways our politicians have so much money in Swiss Bank accounts which are black (unaccounted). This is a golden opportunity to convert it to white. May be they will have a red book in which they will maintain these transactions - ki kisne kitna diya hai operation Europe Bailout ke liye and what should they get in return.

Our conversation turned to the Padmanabhaswamy temple riches of 1000 Lakh crores. Concern - how sure are we that our greedy bereaucrats and politicians will not "eat" into this pie? How sure are we that the riches will still remain with Lord Padmanabhaswamy and will not decorate a neck of someone's wife? Or kith or kin?

Sample Tirupati - a ticket to expedite the darshan time used to cost Rs. 50/- several years ago. Now, they have introduced another ticket priced at Rs. 300/- but the darshan time today is the same time that you would spend on a Rs. 50/- ticket 5 years ago - 3-4 hours. Considering a lakh devotees take the Rs. 300/- ticket on any day, the amount Tirupati gets to make is Rs. 300,00000/- and this is purely based on 1 single type of ticketing. Other than this, there is the Rs. 40/- and Rs. 50/- tickets and the several special darshans priced high (above Rs. 1001/- and above, upto Rs. 25,000).  Despite this, there is bribe everywhere. While you are standing in the line, someone will come and give you kumkum and say it is directly from the God. you are excited that this should come to you, of all people and you start feeling special. But this feeling lasts only for a fleeting second - that person forwards his hand and asks you to pay for it!!! :(
There is bribe even to get a glimpse of Lord Venkateshwara for a moment long, bribe for extra laddoos, bribe for lodging, everything ... And right in front of the Lord's eyes... Where is this going to end? Or is there an end?

I guess, only Lord Padmanabhaswamy and/or Lord Venkateshwara can answer this question!!!

Bed Time Stories

Every night, I have to tell 1 (or 2) bed time stories to my daughter. She will not sleep without hearing at least 1.

The challenge is, i have to tell her a story of only animals and that too of her choice. She might say, tell me a story of rhino and tiger or zebra and monkey - i have to let my imaginations fly, concoct a story and tell her, lest she starts crying... sigh!!! I just cannot see her crying...especially seeing tears in those beautiful eyes breaks my heart :)

So, what do I do? Tweak the stories that I know, replace characters and tell the same to her in various ways. Like last week, she wanted to hear a story of crow and fox. And this is what I told her:

"One day, there was a thirsty crow. He was looking for water to drink. Enroute, he met a fox. He asked the fox if there was drinking water in the vicinity. The fox, since is very cunning animal, decided to fool the crow and said, "Yes, a little further from here, you will find a pot filled with water". The crow was happy and flew in the guided direction. It did find a pot with water underneath. And what did it do? Started dropping pebbles in the pot, and once the water came up, it drank to its content and flew away. The fox had followed the crow and saw how intelligent the crow was. It felt extremely ashamed of its behavior and apologised to the crow"

How is that for imagination?

Life

Anything that is being born is beautiful,

Why do we like spring?

 All the trees are giving "birth" to new leaves, flowers, fruits. We get to see them right from their birth till they grow up - isn't nature beautiful?

There is a new life being born and it is beautiful. I was so excited when I came to know I was going to be a mom!!! I did not mind losing my shape and look dowdy, I was so looking forward to seeing the cutie pie that was gonna come out of my stomach (well, not literally!!!)

Against all the anger, cribs, madness - I still love my kiddos... every night when I kiss them good bye... it makes me feel SO good !!! Giving birth to a new Life - and see it grow and flourish in front of your eyes - is so blissful experience

Such is Life :(

We have a colleague who had gone on maternity leave. She delivered a healthy, chubby baby and the baby is currently 6 months old.

Yesterday, a friend pinged over IM and said, "Did you hear about this team member?"
And as usual, any goss at office, I would be the last one to know... I responded, "No, what happened?"

Friend typed, "Her husband, apparently, expired in an accident on Saturday"
I:  oh..God...what happened?
Friend: Apparently he had gone out on a team outing and they were returning by car. And the car was hit by behind. Sadly, he was the only one who was hit and died on the spot. Nothing happened to the rest of the occupants..

I could not respond - what kind of fate was this that snatched a loving dad from a 6-months old baby? A loving husband from a nice, beautiful girl? A son from old parents?

No answers!!

Jeevana Vichitra

I was talking to my mom and aunt yesterday. They were recounting their experiences from the spiritual discourses they have been attending.

To illustrate how "Punya" or good deeds works was the story of Akrura (from Mahabharata).

One of Akrura's ancestor was King Suphala and Queen Satyavathy (the same sathyavathy, who gives birth to Vyasa Maharshi, Bheeshma's Step-mother). King Suphala had earned so many merits that which ever land he stepped into never knew draught. The land would always be green with all seasons adhering to their timings and courses through the year. Queen Sathyavathy was a celestial damsel who earns a curse to be born as a human princess. However, her merits are so powerful that she plays a key role in creating Mahabharata by pushing Bheeshma out as heir-apparent.

Mahabharata is a story that we can very well relate to - And needless to say, my favorite among the 2 epics. The story and sub-stories have numerous learnings in them and Bhagavadgita itself is like drinking nector... My heartfelt wish is that some day I quit my job and stay back at home reading these epics along with upanishads. Hope to realize this dream soon!!!

My "big" little daughter

My favourite sleep time statement to my daughter is this: (Aditi is her name. I call her Aditu)


Aditu, after your anna (elder brother) was born, I started praying to God “God, please give me a kutti little daughter”. God heard me and one day told me “As a birthday gift, I will give you a small baby”. And lo behold, you were there in my tummy. Eventually when my tummy became very big, the doctor aunty cut it open (It was a C-Section ) and pulled you out. So, you see, I love you so very much and you are my very best friend.

She used to hear this “rote” story every day. Eventually she asked “So, if I pray god to give me a baby, will I also get one”

Needless to say, next day onwards, my routine dialogue changed !!!

My "big" little daughter

My favourite sleep time statement to my daughter is this: (Aditi is her name. I call her Aditu)


Aditu, after your anna (elder brother) was born, I started praying to God “God, please give me a kutti little daughter”. God heard me and one day told me “As a birthday gift, I will give you a small baby”. And lo behold, you were there in my tummy. Eventually when my tummy became very big, the doctor aunty cut it open (It was a C-Section ) and pulled you out. So, you see, I love you so very much and you are my very best friend.

She used to hear this “rote” story every day. Eventually she asked “So, if I pray god to give me a baby, will I also get one”

Needless to say, next day onwards, my routine dialogue changed !!!

Matru Devo Bhava

My neighbour’s mother was a 92 years old lady, highly diabetic. She would not sleep without eating a TBSP of sugar every night despite her diabetic state.


2 months ago, her feet had started to rot and hence it was amputated. Owing to the age factor, She was in the ICU. Doctors had really thought she was not going to make it. But in a month’s time she started showing remarkable recovery symptoms.
One evening, while the old lady was still in ICU, I was talking to my neighbour’s wife. She said “Ayyo, we have not gone to the hospital at all. At home, myself, my DIL, my grandson – all of us have fever and have not been able to visit the old lady”
I was actually shocked to hear that she had not gone to the ICU to check on her MIL. I was also wondering what kind of a talk was she walking herself. She already has a DIL. If she does not take care of her MIL, would her DIL take care of her when she becomes old and bed-ridden?
And then, we complain that daughers-in-law don’t care for mothers-in-law. Who sets this example?

Thank You - Cindy

This post is a “Thanksgiving” to one of my American Senior Leader – Cindy.


I was told that she was a force to reckon – very particular about quality of deliverables and very strict. This became evident with the weekly calls that she insisted we should have (she and her DR team + me and my DR team).

I was desperate for a breakthrough in our relationship, that eluded me for no reason. And before long, our company went through a major transformation. With that, Cindy moved into a different area. But since my projects were associated with her role and responsibilities, she insisted that we have monthly status meetings – and I was happy to set them up !!!

It was during this time that my team was working on a very high visibility, highly critical project. Sadly, the team composition made it an uphill task to complete a simple project such as this – leading to 2.5 months of sheer hard work and tension. Those were the most difficult and sleepless nights i ever spent on a project in this organization. I had never expected to see a project crumbling like this one.

At that time, when everywhere there was finger pointing and my delivery capabilities were under scrutiny, one unexpected person who supported me was Cindy. Over the monthly status meeting, I was apologising to her on the mess this project had become. She immediately said “Vidya, don’t be so hard on yourself. Look at this project as a lesson learnt. Lot of mistakes have happened on this project – people moved at wrong time, ownership changed, Non-functional requirements were not adequately captured, Business did not come back with their Non-functional requirements early on. Considering all this – we should purely look at this project as a lesson learnt – nothing but that. So, don’t penalize yourself”.

I cannot express how much consolation these words brought to me. I had buried myself into work and was really not facing anybody (including my peers). I had started sensing that people were looking at me with doubts in their eyes. But Cindy’s words changed me completely. I felt better immediately. From next day onwards, I stopped worrying so much about the result and stopped berating myself as the cause. Started focusing on action items and soon brought the project into a deliverable state.

Needless to say, although this project was not HIGHLY successful, I am happy to say that we did deliver the project to our business. They were, indeed, happy to see the application working well 90% of the time and mapped to all their needs (along with the few errors they were seeing!!!).

So, in the end, it did end well

Cindy – post this conversation with you, I realized why everyone thought you were such a good leader. It taught me a lesson that we should support our teams not just in wins but also in failures – motivate them to do better. No wonder, you have reached this high in this organization. I am very fortunate to be working with you. Thank you for guiding and supporting me through this tough time. I will never forget this….